Citizen Chris: Mugged by the chuggers

Jul 14 2008 By Citizen Chris

Every day on Hounslow High Street is like a scene from Mission Impossible: your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get as far as the bus station without being spotted by the clipboard-clad people eager to take your money in the name of good causes.

About one o'clock I stand outside The Bell pub looking down at the charity people scattered across the road. It's like they cast an invisible net over the pedestrian-only street and as soon as you fall into it - wham - three of them are on you and the only way of escape is to hand your credit card details over, or face the indignity of being called heartless in the middle of the street.

I wouldn't find their presence so offensive if I thought they actually cared about the causes they promote. All these charitable souls are students or recent uni leavers happy to take their £8.50-an-hour to harass members of the public going about their daily business. I wonder how many of them give £10 a month to help a dog/child/pensioner/homeless person?

These High Street highwaymen are guilt-tripping us to promote a different charity on a daily basis, of the agencies' choice, not their own. Despite how passionate they may seem when they are chasing you down the street, if you question them a little further you'll mostly find they rarely veer from the scripted pitch, for a cause they care so much about that's not showing a very wide knowledge of the subject.

One of my friends recently 'came out' as one of these workers and apparently they have a 10-pace rule, after they have pursued you down the road for that far you're allowed to legitimately complain about them and they SHOULD leave you alone.

Following people down the street screaming is one of the more obvious tactics used, but one of the slyer ones is much worse. Have you ever noticed how they each target members of the opposite sex? It's clearly a deliberate ploy to draw in the vulnerable with an 'attractive proposal' if you sign up.

The number of stupid people who fall for this flirting is amazing and I'm sorry to say it's mostly men you see trying to chat-up the pretty charity collectors. What do they think they are going to get out of it?

Blokes apparently do sign up, presumably with the thought that after they've handed over the direct debit form they'll be heading behind the Treaty Centre for a bit of 'alone time' with their charity worker - you have to give to receive and all that...

I have to confess once - and once only - I was tempted to talk to one of the young female workers twizzling her hair to try and entice men over. It was cold, belting down with rain and she had a large umbrella which she was beckoning me to join her underneath. On the way past I asked if I could borrow it to get me back to work and return it later. She told me where to go - how's that for a charitable attitude?