Mad about Saffron: Parklife

Jul 4 2008 By Saffron Pineger

Last time I wrote I told you about the man I dated who neglected to ask me anything about myself.

We had had three dates and he was doing virtually all the talking, while I chipped in occasionally to tell him a little about myself.

However, eventually I had given up, and just waited for him to ask me things but that didn't work. It only resulted in awkward silences.

So I bottled up my courage, and resolved to tell him about my problem on our next date.If it didnt work, it would be our final meeting, I decided.

We met in Regents Park, and to give him credit, the first thing he asked me was: How was your weekend?

I had been on a hen weekend in Center Parcs with a group of schoolfriends. Great, I replied, and furnished him with some details.

He listened attentively for a few minutes, but when I decided I had told him enough, he didnt ask me any more about it, and started telling me about himself instead.

We sat on the grass under a tree, and he chatted on. I kept a careful eye on our conversation and my watch.

After exactly one hour, he had asked me nothing more. I had asked him at least ten things.

I really felt like leaving. I thought of all those good friends I could be seeing and having fun with rather than sitting listening to him wittering on.

But he sensed my preoccupation. Is there something on your mind? he asked. I was surprised at his sensitivity, I admit.

Well, yes, I replied. I dont know what to talk to you about. Because, er, youre not asking me anything about myself.

There was a very awkward silence. He looked stunned.

Wellthats not the way I like to get to know people. I like to get to know them by hanging out with themand stuff, he stammered.

Okaybut you still have to talk to them, dont you?

Yes, of course, he said, eyes downcast. I felt rather rotten. But there had been no other way of doing what I had done apart from following my instincts and simply leaving.

I could see he had been thinking fast. AndI do want to ask you stuff, he blurted. Like, where do you see us going? What do you want out of meour relationship?

Oh dear. He was vastly overcompensating and seemed under the unfortunate impression that I wanted to talk about us. Far too much pressure for me.

I dont think I should answer that question, I said, feeling a little hot under the collar.

Lets just say that although he tried hard for the rest of the date, his questions centred about my ex-boyfriends, sprinkled with stories about his ex-girlfriends.

He also asked lots more about what I thought about him, and what sort of relationship I wanted from him to my intense discomfort. He obviously didn't know any of the golden rules that forbid this kind of question before you even know someone.

I realised he was a sweet boy but just not about to talk to me in the way I wanted.

And to my intense relief, he was pretty understanding when I explained over the phone that I didnt really want to go out with him again.

I guess I've learned that if you have relationship problems by the fourth date, talking about them is little use. It really indicates that the fledgling relationship is more than ready to drop off the twig as mine did. And I couldnt have been more happy about it.